And then... ya turn 40.

So. I've been sick. It hasn't been fun. I went to the doctor's office, and a nurse practitioner in training -- with her supervisor in tow -- declared me to be not at all sick. I didn't even fight her over it. I mean, it was either believe the nurse practitioner in training, or go back to the Nazi doctor in a different time zone, and I decided the student nurse was at least a more pleasant human being. Even if she didn't give me my favorite cough syrup.

I came home, I slept a LOT, I went back to using Afrin (even though I was hooked on it when I was 19 years old, but that's another story), I pretended I wasn't sick.

There was other stuff to worry about, after all. Bills and packing for WDW and stuff like that. I can't be sick forever; this'll pass and then Amy and I can podcast about it.

Well... no. Not really. Why?

Because I lost my voice.

And I can hear you asking, "Seriously?" And I'm telling you -- seriously. No voice. I open my mouth to say something, and nothing comes out. Sometimes it honestly feels as if I have no vocal cords.

And... that's *weird*.

I know this is hard to believe, but I used to be a lyric mezzo. As in, classically trained, medium high soprano voice. Can belt out the E two octaves above middle C. Gets kinda wobbly after that, but does a damn fine job on the E below middle C, and can still carry a few operas if you're into that, which I never really was. Great range for Broadway musicals. Except "Kiss Me Kate." And honestly, I preferred "Cabaret."

The only upside to this whole episode is that it has opened a whole new venue of potential Halloween costumes. I can hang a slate around my neck and pretend to be a member of the Ellen James Society! (Extra points for you if you actually *get* that reference.) I can paint some lines around my mouth, hang out with Wesley, and be a ventriloquist's doll! NO! I know!!!!! I can be a Gallaudet student protestor!!!! YEAH!!!

Anyway. I have no voice. And this has never, ever happened to me, not even when I had the horrific sinus infection in '96 that turned into a major infection that wiped out my upper register. That's cool; now I can do a Bea Arthur impression. Heck, I can do Howard Keel if I want to. I sorta miss squeaking, but I've found other ways to cope.

All day long, I kept forgetting that I have no voice. I can't talk on the phone. I can hardly whisper to my family. My birds are extremely confused because I didn't sing with them at bedtime.

Part of me really thinks my vocal cords have staged a protest. "We're NOT SPEAKING until SOMEONE turns BACK THE CLOCK!!!! Seriously!!!!! There's no WAY we could POSSIBLY be FORTY!!!!!"

You see, Thursday is my birthday. Yep. I turn 40. Like... now. And I have to say, I still think the way I thought when I was 17. My only problem is that my body is not in tune with my brain.

Not that anyone around me would know. Why? BECAUSE I CAN'T TELL THEM SO, THAT'S WHY!!!!

Hmph.

I think I'll make myself a cake. Big, honkin' thanks to Kathi, who dug up my aunt Sybil's sublime Apricot Nectar Cake recipe for me. I lost it. Maybe it's in hiding with my voice..........