Loose ends

Blogger wouldn't let me upload this pic earlier today -- this is the pyrotechnics booty for 2006. Hubba, hubba! OK, actually, it looks pretty small in the spacious trunk of my beloved Prius. But I swear it's a massive haul!

And I can't wait to set them off on Independence Day!

Most of our neighbors had their fireworks festivities tonight. I don't know why the powers that be have declared July 1st an adequate substitute for the real thing, but even the big fireworks display in Lenoir City was tonight. We missed it. Emily was boating with her boyfriend, and Woodrow and I set out chairs to watch our neighbors' fireworks instead.

Ugh. OMG. It was *painful*!!!!!!! People don't do fireworks right. They never prepare. They'll get out ONE firework and find the fuse -- in the dark -- and try to light it with a punk -- and those things NEVER stay lit -- and then they mess with a lighter -- and then they stand back and watch that ONE firework go off.... And then they start all over again.

Organization, people! Find those fuses *first*, while it's still light out, and get organized!!!!

Also, and, plus, too! They light the *best* fireworks first and then when they've gone through all the multi-shots and shells, *then* they're stuck with sparklers and firecrackers for a finale.

YAAAAAAWWWWWWWWNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!

All it takes is a modicum of organization and taste. Find the fuses. *Release* the fuses from the cellophane wrappers before it gets dark. Have *several* lighters on hand, because they *will* stop working after four or five flicks of your Bic. Arrange the weakest, most boring fireworks for the early part of the program, and save the most expensive, big stuff for last. If you can do that little bit at least, instead of two hours of one boom every 9 minutes, you could have a solid 18 minutes of BOOM BOOM SIZZLE BOOM SPARKLE BOOM BOOMS and BOOM!

(The musical soundtrack -- which at my house is usually Disney fireworks music -- is optional. But at least the fireworks themselves should be solid and reliable.)

OK, really, there's more to it -- like having safety measures in place and two separate platforms for the fireworks so that you're not lighting a mortar right next to a multi-shot at any given time -- but really, it just takes organization!

I really should have been a pyrotechnics professional, shouldn't I? ;)

Gah, I love the Fourth of July!