Bay's Travel Blog

I don't travel much any more. Resist!

Monday, May 29, 2006

Unfold me; I am small

My birthday present last fall was a CD. I'm sure I must have gotten other things, but right now I can't remember them. Hmmmmm. Maybe I should check my own blog?

Anyway, I got "Colour the Small One" by Sia. The only way anyone will know of her is if you were as big a "Six Feet Under" fan as I was, or if you live in the UK and think the band Zero 7 is the bee's knees.

I was actually pretty darned depressed by the time I got this CD, and the lyrics on "Breathe" didn't do me any favors. "Help/ I have done it again... Hurt/ Myself again today...." Yikes. Reminds me of being a freshman in college, y'know?

But it's so utterly beautiful, and when the producers of "Six Feet Under" used "Breathe" for the entire four-and-a-half minute track to end the whole series -- well, that was it, I was a goner. I loved that CD, even if it was depressing as all get-out.

Then -- I discovered I really was clinically depressed, and I had to go through so much before I could be somewhat normal again, and somewhere in the interim, I lost my Sia CD. I still can't find it. But Emily had downloaded it onto her computer. All we needed was a blank CD to record it on --

--And tonight she brought me a CD and said, "Tah dah! Sia."

Once again, I can crank up "Breathe" and really appreciate it, not as a totally hopeless, depressed, "I am never going to accomplish anything so I need to quit trying" person, but as a whole, mostly mentally healthy, striving-to-be-OK mama.

This evening, after we ate nice, normal, all-American tacos for dinner, Wesley, Woodrow, and I took a walk around town. I need to get in shape for vacation in four months. In the meantime, even though it's way hotter than it should be at the end of May, the world smells magnificent -- like privet hedge and honeysuckle and warm earth and sneeze-inducing pollen.

This is cool. Unfold me. I'm not so small. But I remember what it was like -- both literally and figuratively.