Hall Pass needed....

Remember when we were in school and you had to have a pass to wander around the hall during classes?

Oh, OK, fine, I'll tell the truth. I was the *queen* of being able to wander freely without a pass. It's all in the attitude. If you look like you know what you're doing and you have every right to be in the hall -- even though your schedules says you're supposed to be in World History -- no teacher, principal, or guidance counselor is going to bother you. Besides, I sometimes had a legitimate hall pass and a reason to be wandering the halls. So I got away with it a lot.

Anyway. Now I want a permanent Hall Pass. For the interstate. And I think, really, I deserve one.

Here's the deal: Five counties surrounding Knoxville, Tennessee recently reduced the speed limit on the interstates. I wasn't keeping up with the newspaper, so I didn't know they were even considering lowering the speed limit. And they certainly didn't ask for my permission to put such a damper on my road trips. Just all of a sudden, new signs appeared saying that the limit for cars was 65 mph, and poor semi-trucks are reined in to 55 mph.

Fifty-five! Miles per hour!!!! On the interstate!!!!!!! We haven't seen turtle-like speeds like that since the Reagan administration, for crying out loud!

I bet Sammy Hagar is enjoying a resurgence of sales of his 21-year-old hits among truck drivers, don't you think?

Ooo -- bunny trail. If a speed is so low as to be imperceptible, shouldn't we call it a MEANDER limit?

Can you tell I'm not a fan of the new, lower speed?

So I got on the handy-dandy internet and did some research. (A history major's lifetime motto is: Research makes it happen in stacks.) It turns out that some rocket scientist, concerned about the environment, decided the key to clearing up the air in the Great Smoky Mountains is to make cars on the interstates drive SLOWER. I don't know who voted -- because it wasn't put to a popular vote -- but some genius said, "Yeah, that's the ticket! Lower speed limits! Make it so, Number One."

Yea, verily, and the Starship Blunderprise grinds to a screeching halt because the 18-wheelers in front of it are taking up all the interstellar lanes at a stunning speed of 55 mph. Argh.

Now, I'm alllllllll for cleaner air. I bought a Prius last year, and I still get out and hug trees every once in a while. I think cleaner air and pristine Smoky Mountains would be the bee's knees.

But since I already drive a car that takes dirty air and turns it into air so clean an asthmatic could literally suck the emissions from my exhaust pipe and actually breathe better -- LITERALLY -- I think I as a conscientious hybrid owner should get a Permanent Hall Pass to Drive 90 MPH on the Interstates in the Five Counties around Knoxville!

And if the powers-that-be want to clean up the air, instead of raining on MY parade, they should just make it illegal to own SUV's!

Yeah, I said it!

I'm just sayin'. Is all.

Now. How do I set up a PayPal account where well-wishers can make donations to my speeding ticket fund? Because I just know I'm going to get caught doing 87 mph one of these days, and I'm no longer cute and young enough to flirt my way out of tickets.

Dang it.