Some things I need to know

I almost entitled this post "everything I needed to know, I learned in the grocery store," but that would kinda be a lie, so I backpedaled. Sawrrrrryyyyyyy.

Ahem.

Some Things I Needed To Know That I Learned Working In The Grocery Store
by Bay

1. The vast majority of the people in the world are really, really, really nice. And patient. And kind. As long as you smile at them and make them understand that you're doing your best to serve them, their patience is darned close to everlasting.

2. Every day, mothers bring approximately 890 babies to the grocery store with them. 97% of those babies are completely asleep and killin' cute, and I want to cuddle every single one of them.

3. Mothers who can shop for groceries with a sleeping baby on the shoulder are the most amazing athletes in the world, second only to pregnant women in Orlando in July. Both groups are way ahead of triathletes in terms of strength and stamina.

4. If you have not worked outside the home for nine years, nothing will prepare you for a seven-hour day behind a cash register -- except a sister who fusses at the end of your second tear-filled day, "If you let this job defeat you, I will be disappointed in you."

5. Customers who bag their own groceries should all be granted sainthood. Immediately.

6. If you think it's hard work when the store is busy, it's nothing compared to when it's slow. Cashiers can't sit down even if there's no customer in line. We have to stand up all day.

7. The cash register really IS smarter than I am.

8. People who work in a grocery store never once ask you where you went to graduate school, what you scored on the SAT, or what you "did" before you became a cashier. They don't care. You won't ever play intellectual one-upmanship games in the grocery store.

9. "Part time" doesn't feel like part time.

10. Everyone's cart is full of stuff you never think to buy, but it all looks absolutely delicious. You will crave a fruit salad like you have never craved a fruit salad before in your life. You will fantasize about pork roast and fresh asparagus with marinade. Every cake, pie, pint of ice cream, potato chip, and fruity kids' drink is going to tempt you. DO NOT allow yourself to breathe through your nose if someone buys fried chicken from the deli.

11. At the end of a shift, the last thing you want to do is walk around and buy your own groceries. After a day of dreaming about food, you will go home and eat stale crackers with peanut butter and drink half a gallon of tap water, anyway, and it will taste like heaven because you're finally sitting down, barefoot, with the music of your choice playing in the background.

12. The anti-bacterial soap in the employee washrooms is very strong. (Thank heavens, because I'm nearly a germophobe.) Get a tiny bottle of lotion to keep your hands from drying up and falling off the ends of your arms.

13. They tell me it gets easier.

14. Please let them be right!