Advice for the Helpless

Today's post will be a departure from my normal blogging. Why? Because I can't think of anything interesting to say today. So I have to rely on my friends to supply me with inspiration.

Thank heaven I have interesting friends.

Here's a plea from R., only slighly paraphrased to fit in today's post:

Dear Bay, Lady and Mistress of the Universe,

I have a problem. My husband's boss always kisses me on New Year's Eve. After more than 20 years of this, I'm sick of it. I used to try to turn my head at the last second, but now Boss Man just grabs my ears and holds my face immobile for his disgusting, slobbery, totally unwelcome annual smooch.

What can I do? I can't help it that I'm totally luscious! And so I entreat you, because you have such a big brain, to tell me what to do to discourage the Boss Man's Buss.

Helplessly,
R.

And of course, I have just the solution.
Dear R.,

Of course you're too luscious for the big Boss Man to resist! And I can understand why it's so hard to just shove a knee in his groin when he starts slobbering all over you. After all, he holds your dear hubby's gainful employment hostage to that annual kiss.

Lucky for us luscious babes, stage makeup holds the key to freedom from Frenching. Next Halloween, just stock up on a fake cold sore! But wait -- don't stop there. Mix some yellow food coloring paste with Vaseline! When you've added this accessory to your New Year's Eve ensemble, dab some gooey, sickly-yellow Vaseline on top so that it appears to be oozing disgustingly. A few well-timed "ows" will assist you in your efforts, and I bet the Boss Man's Buss will become a relic of the past.

No need to thank me -- I live for just this sort of advice-dispensing moment!

Love 'n' sloppy ki... er, hugs,
Bay