Christmas chaos

It's hitting! Here it is! The proverbial substance is hitting the fan!!!!!

How did this happen? I had lists. I had lists of lists. I had a timetable and a schedule and a *plan*. How could it all fall apart without any warning? Why me? WHY MEEEEEEEE?????

It's OK. It's all right. I'll just buy storebought Chex Mix and a chocolate pie or something. I don't need real homemade stuff. It doesn't matter if my big roasting pan has grown legs and walked out of my kitchen -- sometime *since* Thanksgiving, since I used that bugger to roast a [many expletive deleted] turkey. Who needs homemade Chex Mix? Who needs a Christmas breakfast strata? Why do I need to have homemade goodies? It isn't like my kids are young enough to be leaving treats for Santa.....

Did you ever go to Target for wrapping paper on December 21st? Did you know there could be that many people in one place at one time? Did you know that little old ladies would just as gladly run you over with their electric wheelchairs as *look* at you in order to get to the last roll of dark red wrapping paper?

Did you know that adolescent boys think it's hilarious to knock things out of your arms while you're standing in the four-hour-long line at the cash register?

Did you know that just when you need it THE MOST, your Starbucks card will disappear into thin air?

Right now, I would like to go to bed. And stay there. For, oh, five or six weeks. I mean, nothing really wild. Just a few dozen days, that's all.

I would love to write more, but I have to go bake something. What? I don't know. I'm so far off schedule, I might be baking a coconut cake for an Independence Day fete for all I know!